Ian's Slips of Character
by Alex Almighty
Summary: Every once and awhile Ian accesses a part of his mind that is... well... normal. He can't believe it when he finds himself defacing math.


**For full effect, read everything in a British accent...**

Ian Kabra walked into his Algebra 2 refresher course. He was running a multi-million business, yet it was required by law to still get an education. With his busy schedule he mainly took online courses. However, every week or so he would have to take a refresher course. Mainly math courses. He had the English act down since first grade.

"Hey man!" said a boy shaking his hand a little too hard. Ian recognized the boy from polo but did not remember his name.

"Hello!" said Ian curtly. "Fine evening."

"Yeah. I have never really seen you in school much lately," said the boy. "My younger sister said you and Natalie were in the Caribbean!"

Ian nodded giving a white smile. "We were. However, now we are back in school... no more tranquil relaxation." Ian took a seat in the back and the practically a stranger of a boy sat down next to him. It was kind of annoying actually.

"The girls are all checking you out!" the boy laughed, leaning over so only Ian could hear him. The boy was right, despite the busyness and chatter in the room, he could feel many eyes on him.

Ian laughed dryly. "Oh, belt up. It is not as fun as you might imagine really," he replied getting out his materials. Ian noticed the name "Aidan" written at the top of one of the boys papers.

Aidan raised an eyebrow. "I don't know what world you are living in," Aidan said raising a eyebrow smiling, "but you must be barmy!"

Ian forced a smile as the teacher started the lesson. Aidan had been truly friendly to him... maybe. He could never know if people wanted his friendship or his wealth.

He sighed as he adjusted his posture upright in his hard chair. Math was Ian's worst subject. He was a incredible brilliant kid but math was not his niche. Ian knew he should be paying attention, but he just couldn't help it. He started pouring his thoughts on to his notebook. Thoughts that he had never accessed since birth.

_**The Truth About Math is Revealed:**_

I hate math, for goodness sakes,

I rather take a bath... in snakes.

Other subjects I can tolerate,

But math I will forever hate.

Those radicals and roots of squares,

Still come to haunt my worst nightmares.

If I could go back in time on Earth,

I would try, oh so hard, to stop Einsteins birth.

Any person who liked this odd subject,

Would feel pain they will soon regret.

Cut down on the "we need it to live" sap,

I'm warning you now, I will just take a nap.

As far as I'll ever be concerned,

This crazy method should have never be learned.

I passionately hate elapsed time!

Since when do I care if 1 is prime!

Even after I tragically die,

I will despise the number pi.

Even our teachers don't really see,

The concept of inequalities.

The TRUTH about reciprocals,

They have fangs and poisonous tentacles.

These numbers cause brain loss in later years,

So next math class, cover your ears.

You won't see what's bad about coefficients,

Until your mind is not sufficient.

This is no longer a theory you see,

It's proven scientifically.

Childhood statistics show,

The more you learn math, the less your brain grows.

This is truly my final plea,

Or math will be the death of me!

No matter how hard you study, your grade depends,

On whether the teacher and you friends.

If you're forced to simplify rational expressions,

It's time to abandon your math session.

Transforming long quadratic functions,

Turns your brain to the size of a munchkin's.

The same for polynomials stands,

And frequency and histograms.

Every fact you've learned in your math course,

Will fill your life with pain and remorse.

If you're learning rise over run equals slope,

Your future officially has no hope.

Most people won't believe this is true,

but that's what humanity wants you too.

Mathematical reasoning helped kill our trees,

Build cars and ugly factories.

Theses charts and graphs are getting worse,

A dangerous modern we can't reverse.

Life should stay simple so it could be sweet,

This conclusion can't be beat

Some things in life, aren't meant to be learned,

All this info should be burned.

Mother nature is a miracle, not meant to be figured and analyzed,

Accept these words through and though, for this paper is officially finalized.

**The End**

The teachers voice broke through his writing flow. Ian realized for the first time the beastly words he was writing down. At the same time however, he thought his poem deserved a Grammy. Wait... what... NO.

He ripped it out of his notebook and stuffed it in his pocket. What he had written was entirely inappropriate. A load of clobbers.

He forced himself to pay attention to the lesson but every once and a while a smile would creep on to his face as he remembered what was in his pocket.

* * *

-Best of British to you! That means good luck over in England! I put some British slang in there.

-How do you like it. Should I post more of Ian's slips of character?

-I wrote this in the back cover of my math book. I hope twenty years from now my teacher finds it and realizes how brilliant my mind really was. Or a poor orphan who has no money, submits this poem into a contest, and receives lots of money as the reward and finds his parents with it. I have great expectations for this poem.

Where Adventures Begin,

Alex Almighty


End file.
